A good thing to keep in mind is that without the bitter, how could we discern the sweet? It offers a pretty fair amount of comfort when you let the bitter overtake you. Sort of. You can only be put at ease when you let yourself be put at ease. It's all about controlling your mind. Right now I'm failing and being a sissy, bloomers-wearing, cream-puff mind controller. So here's the emptying of words to put my mind at ease, which is something I think more people should do not on Facebook for all 300 of their friends to see.
Snow is such a great school to go to. I love my friends, I love the classes and I love the teachers. The one bad thing is that it forces you to uproot yourself after only two years. Unless you're really...dedicated...and decide to stay for three or four. Ick. Now this really isn't a problem, but I just think about the decision I'm going to have to make in only a few months and I feel sick. What do I do after Snow? Do I continue on and go to USU or do I go on a mission?
Yeah not really a problem like "I have to declare bankruptcy" or "I just found out I have a terminal illness," and yet I can't get myself to relax. I'm laid-back and don't like to let things stress me out on a panicky level. I don't like feeling trapped. I want to fast-forward to seven months from now and just find out what I decided. I've prayed a LOT about it and everyday I go over the pros and cons. I've gotten the impression that for now I need to wait a little bit and everything will come clearly. Which also frightens me. (WEENIE ALERT, WEENIE ALERT). I'd rather know now what I should prepare for and then work towards that goal instead of moving forward blindly and finding out at the end what I should do. I guess that's not how life always is though.
If I decide to go on a mission, I'll have an experience I won't regret and I'll be serving the Lord for 18 months. But what if it's a better option for me to stay and focus on school and possibly starting a family? And I can room with Kenna and Kensey, two of the best friends I've ever had. Then again, a year and a half really isn't that long and I will definitely be able to do all the things I want and make new friends after. How does one choose between two options, each equally good?
And I feel horrible about how much my parents are helping me financially. What kind of daughter am I that I can't fully support myself even after my second year of college? Each of my family members is so much better than I am and I don't deserve to have them in my life. They really help me feel better about where my life is going.
I have the faith to know that things will work out; that if I listen to the Spirit I'll know what to do. Thoughts are intangible and can't be conquered. Words, however, are tangible and can be overcome by our determination and self-control.
